by Belinda Williams
It doesn’t always start with a dramatic outburst or an obvious violation. More often, workplace abuse begins with silence. The kind that settles in meeting rooms where no one speaks up. The kind that wraps around leadership decisions that don’t make sense but aren’t questioned. The kind that leaves a dedicated professional feeling destabilised, isolated, and erased.
I’ve seen the cost of this firsthand.
During a chapter of my career I never expected, I found myself caught in a tangle of silence, gaslighting, contradictions, and institutional inaction. I did everything I was asked. I documented concerns. I offered solutions. I led quietly and diligently. Yet the harm didn’t stop. Not because of one bad actor, but because the systems that were supposed to protect people like me simply weren’t built to respond.
At first, I thought I was overreacting. I had trouble sleeping, started to develop physical symptoms, became tearful and shaky, and started losing hair. I’ve since learned that this is the body’s response to trauma and a natural reaction to perceived threat. And the brain doesn’t distinguish between physical and psychological threats. In fact, according to a groundbreaking study in 2018, brain scans have revealed that workplace abuse actually changes the structure of the brain. Memory, concentration, emotional regulation and even physical health are affected. You don’t just get stressed. You get sick.
I wasn’t alone. But I was made to feel like I was. The isolation is perhaps the worst part. In speaking to multiple people during my research, it was the theme that repeatedly came up:
“I feel like I’m going crazy.” “They’ve chosen him over us.” “If I’d known nothing would happen, I wouldn’t have spoken up.” “Every time I asked for help, my life got worse.”
These aren’t just quotes. They’re echoes of what I’ve heard, what I’ve lived, and what so many others are still living quietly in schools around the world.
My experience changed everything. It became the focus of my master’s research, and the lens through which I now view leadership in international schools. What I found was both sobering and hopeful. The harm is real, but so is the way forward.
We have, collectively, become desensitised to workplace abuse. We see gossip, disrespect, exclusion, retaliation, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation as normal parts of professional life. At the same time, we’ve become hypersensitive to naming it. Talking about it has become taboo. We’ve got it the wrong way around.
Abuse should be shocking. Naming it shouldn’t be.
Talk about it. Loudly, clearly, and frequently. React to it with the same disgust and urgency you would if a student were harmed. Because workplace abuse is harm, and the only ones who benefit from silence are the abusers.
International schools, despite their visionary missions and global values, are not immune. In fact, some of the conditions that make them special also make them more vulnerable. High turnover, teachers who are geographically isolated from their support systems, different and unfamiliar laws, inconsistent leadership training, unclear governance structures, and the unspoken expectation that everyone should “just get along” all contribute to systems that inadvertently support abuse. The result? When harm happens, no one knows what to do. Or worse, they do know but are afraid to act.
One teacher once told me, “I’m unmotivated and demoralised. If I’d known that nothing would happen, I wouldn’t have spoken up.” Another said, “I was treated like I was weak and at fault. The harm lies in the fact that I was allowed to be viewed as a problem and a failure. A year later, I have lasting insecurity and shame that I am working through.” That’s not a learning environment. That’s a culture of fear.
Leadership plays a central role. According to a 2021 study by the Workplace Abuse Institute, only 13% of employers truly act in a way that protects and supports people who report workplace abuse. In a 2003 study, it was shown that around 70% of people who report workplace abuse leave their jobs, either because they are fired, “quietly” moved on, or have to resign for their own mental health.
Only 5% of perpetrators of abuse lose their jobs.
In schools, the problem is compounded by a lack of training. Leaders are often promoted based on instructional or operational expertise, but very few are equipped to respond to harm in trauma-informed, victim-centered ways. Some freeze. Some deflect. Some reframe it as a “conflict” and hope it will pass.
But hoping isn’t leading.
The good news is that we don’t need to guess how to do better. Kim Scott’s work on Radical Candour gives us a framework for courageous, caring communication. Jennifer Freyd’s research into institutional courage shows us how to respond to abuse, and describes the institutional betrayal felt when we don’t get it right. Elena Aguilar’s practical training sessions and books show us how to develop emotionally intelligent teams that change entire school cultures. And trauma-informed practices, which are already used widely in student wellbeing, can and should be extended to staff, especially in times of crisis. As I write, LYIS is one of the few education leadership organisations in the world that are dedicating part of their Principals Qualification to such issues, including Women in Leadership.
We already use these frameworks to create nurturing environments for children. Why not for adults?
When leaders put human dignity first, they don’t weaken the institution. They protect it. When schools take workplace abuse seriously, they don’t invite instability. They build resilience. When systems are built to centre trauma-informed, victim-sensitive responses, everyone benefits.
Adults who feel psychologically safe bring out the best in their students. They create classrooms that are inclusive, joyful, and emotionally intelligent. Schools thrive when the people inside them are thriving too.
We have the tools. We have the research. We even have the stories. What we need is the will to listen and learn. There is no shame in having missed the mark. The shame is in refusing to change once we know better.
And yes, change requires discomfort. It requires disrupting unspoken norms and moving past nice-sounding statements like “zero tolerance” into actual structures of care and accountability.
One teacher I spoke with said it best:
“Do we want the school’s reputation to be, ‘We stand behind one abusive person,’ or ‘We stand against abusive conduct’?”
We don’t need to guess how to do better. We don’t need to stay silent. We just need to choose courage.
International schools have the chance to lead. Not just in academics, but in ethical leadership. Let’s build institutions where no one has to choose between their mental health and their job. Where silence is replaced by safety. Where clarity, courage, and care are the cornerstones of leadership. I’m proud to be part of an organisation where these sorts of conversations are front and centre of what good leadership is.
Change is possible. It’s necessary. And it starts with us.
Thank you for reading.
Sources:
https://workplacebullying.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2021-Full-Report.pdf
https://www.institutionalcourage.org/
https://www.brightmorningteam.com/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6111669/
About the Author
Originally from New Zealand, Belinda Williams has spent the past 17 years teaching and leading in classrooms across five continents. Her global journey has included roles such as Head of Self-Directed Learning, Grade Level Chair, Head of Literacy, Learning Coach, and Curriculum Coordinator. Belinda recently completed her Master’s in Educational Leadership and Management, with a focus on ethical leadership, workplace wellbeing, and trauma-informed practices in schools.
A lifelong lover of the arts, Belinda owned a musical theatre company and still counts live theatre as her greatest passion. She’s also happiest when travelling, swimming in the ocean, reading a good book, playing board games, or spending time with the people she loves.
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